and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
