..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
