I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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