I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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