I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Come see our sink grown plant.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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