I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
