I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Randomize
