well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
