Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
