i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
