there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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