my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
