So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
