He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
