dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
