Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
And then my night got REAL pukey
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
