would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
