That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
