At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
