smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
