Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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