He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
