I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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