He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
