It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
