My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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