Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
