I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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