When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
