It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
