either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
