I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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