Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
