Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
