that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
