are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
