Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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