im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
