I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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