Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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