Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Who wears a wallet chain?!
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
