you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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