Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
