Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
