Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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