coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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