I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
