Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I checked into jail on foursquare
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
