We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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