i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
