I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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