U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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