i jhust puked up my retainher.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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