well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
