Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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