your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
